And I thought I knew it all

The Mountain of Fasting

On February 1st 2010 my mother died of cancer. When she passed away a new life was given to me as that was the hour in which I first believed. For the past year I have thought about what the anniversary of my mother’s death would entail. Maybe crying ? Maybe sorrowful memories? Maybe joy? Maybe I just really had no idea what to expect. I simply knew I wanted to honor God for giving me the chance at life I so desperately needed. I wanted to FULLY commit to him, and turn from all things I had known.

I was sitting on my couch watching a pastor as I frequently do. Listening to that pastor talk about drawing closer intrigued me. So I began to untune from the normal wall-staring I was so deeply engaged in and began to listen to him more carefully. When he said the words “fasting” , my brain connected with it, then he said for twenty one days, then I connected with it more, then he said with no food and only water. That’s where I felt the Holy Spirit push me. When I say push, I mean exactly that. It was unmistakable; there wasn’t a tug or a slight gesture. It was an all out SHOVE.

My first reaction to becoming closer to God was that of sheer joy! As though I had found the key to God’s love and that with this fast all of my prayers would be answered. My prayers of God bringing forth his mercy in my upcoming court appearances. My prayers for God to reveal his plan for me for the next year. I knew that I wanted to honor my mother's death, but more importantly I wanted to thank God for moving so dramatically in my life the day my Mother passed. Think about that? How do you thank God for saving your life? By going to church, by prayer, by reading the Bible? …I’m not sure what it looks like for you but I knew I had to deny myself of the most vital of things in this world. Food. Let me not fail to mention I had some demons, addictions if you will, that needed dealt with once and for all.

I asked a few people what their thoughts were on fasting, and most were not agreeable to the idea. I was met for the most part with opposition. Not because they didn’t think it was good to do, mainly because they thought twenty one days was too extreme and some thought that I would DIE! If I may be honest I had the thoughts of death too, (silly now that I look back at it). But nevertheless, a real concern at the time. I began to psych myself out a bit at this point, and Satan began to move in me. Becoming sick, fear of failure, the consequences that come along with failure, and death were all haunting me now.

New Years Eve came and I felt called to pray for the last half hour of the year, so I did. I began to pray harder than I ever have before. Emotions mounting, I began to cry uncontrollably for the people in my life that did not know Jesus. My heart hurt so badly for the lost of the world I nearly choked, for I have been where they are (separated from God). I asked the Lord to please come to me, and without fail he did. I could not lift my head to see Him, however everything in me knew He was there. Everything. As He sat next to me there on my couch holding me through that prayer, I couldn’t cry anymore and I knew the he would protect me through this fast and that he wanted me to do it. Not necessarily for me, but for who I was praying for.

I fasted from January 9 to January 30.....no food only water.

I can tell you this, friends. Without Jesus Christ in my life, I would have failed. I prayed more in those 21 days than I have in 29 years. I was so sensitive to the Spirit during the fast. I was also susceptible to the enemy. Do expect Satan to come knocking on your door during this fast as well. Satan hates when you fast, almost as much as when you pray. Be careful, he will do anything he can to lead you astray. Fall on your knees in prayer when he comes to you. DO NOT fight him alone. Jesus can and will fight this fight for you, just let Him. Of all things I learned, I think this may have been the most important. The revealing of our true human weaknesses. Our spirit however, as long as it completely sacrificed to the Lord, has unmatched power capable of defeating the desires of this world including Satan. I began to tap into the real love of Christ, which required me to lose my desires and will and needs that I had held so dear for so long. None of them seemed important to me, nothing but my salvation and the salvation for those around me. I hungered for one thing and one thing only. The love of our Savior.

Now that my fast is over, I almost had a sense of separation from God. I fell into a slight depression when I began to eat again. I felt almost as though I was cheating on God. The ensuing week I was extremely irritable and unpleasant to those around me. I began to become angry with God. It felt as though he had left me. Why did he leave me when we were getting along so well? I didn’t understand?

The story that came to my mind was Matthew 17:1-13. You see during my fast I was on the mountain with Jesus like his disciples and was in awe of His glory and beauty and love. Then I had to come off the mountain and carry out His true intention for our lives. That commission of loving your neighbor and teaching the good news, even when we don't feel like we’re on the mountain with him. Fasting made me ready to endure the world of hurt and despair, to come down from the mountain and still have Him there. Sometimes we need to see the glory of God and be refreshed with His love. But we are made to endure, even without food for a time, without the beautiful mountain, without the safety of our family and friends. We are made to need only Him. I encourage you to find your avenue of rejuvenation with Jesus Christ and prepare yourself to face the challenges of our world in His name.

Your Brother in Christ

Dale T. Bucci

And I thought I knew it all

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

One Year Ago Today

Monday, February 7, 2011

The mountain of fasting